I feel your judgments upon me

As I reap the harvest of the seeds I’ve sown.

Irresponsible rebellion from my youth

Has brought this crop of pain.

Now nearing my midlife I reflect

On what could’ve been,

    What should have been.

And I know

Still, am I blessed?

I am.

So I wonder now what old age

Will have in store for me

At this time of reflection,

Considering the lessons

Still being taught to me.

Oh but would I have stayed true,

And to have reaped in skies of blue!

But dark clouds encompass me.

And ‘tis through tears of rain

That I do see

What my youthful indiscretions have bought for me,

A price I now pay

To have lived that way.

Having given up your best

I am now settling for what’s left,

    Which is more than I deserve.

I had your wisdom well taught to me

And I knew.

But I chose to do what I wanted to.

Needless struggles I have since faced

Finding over and over again, myself misplaced.

Having cast aside so much of your bounty

I dare to say

My cup should be empty

As I beg in this pit of shame.

Knowing

I am blessed

Just to have heard your name,

A name so sweet, so true

A name I should’ve stayed faithful to

And spared my loves this knowledge of pain

That is sure to find us again and again.

For the crops of my youth

They still grow

With the seeds of weeds I did sow.